To know and to be known

Psalm 139 is a familiar passage to many. It comes to mind when a woman is carrying a new life inside of her, as a reminder that God is at work, knitting that new life together in her womb. These are verses to stand on when we need a reminder that God doesn't make junk - His creations are "fearfully and wonderfully made." There is also much comfort found in this chapter as it offers the assurance that no matter where we go, God is there. Beautiful words, indeed. Lately, this passage has taken on a different meaning for me, one that convicts more than it comforts. Let me explain my thoughts:



O LORD, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.



God knows it all -- the good, the bad, the ugly. It is often easy for us to hide the bad and ugly from each other - so easy, in fact, that sometimes we forget that it's not hidden from God. David knew this:



If I say, "surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,"

even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is as bright as day;

for darkness is as light with you.



God knows me better than I know myself. He knows what I do, and he knows why I do it. Beyond that, He knows the implications of all I do and don't do, and how my words, thoughts, and actions influence my relationships with Him and others. HE KNOWS... and he always has:



... in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.



I ponder all of this and am keenly aware of my sinful nature, of how often I am disobedient, untrusting. For a moment, I am ashamed, embarrassed, painfully aware of my distance from this perfect, holy God. But then I remember those two words: HE KNOWS, and I believe He will be gracious enough to share what He knows. David's final words in this chapter have become my plea:



Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!



If left to my own devices, I would be on the way to destruction. But God is gracious and has not abandoned me here: he reveals to me, little by little, that which He knows so well, and uses that knowledge to direct my path.