Thoughts on marriage

Marriage has been on my mind quite a bit lately.

I just had lunch with my friends Brian and Ashley, who have been engaged for less than a week. Ash still can't stop looking at her ring, and both of them are glowing, their heads spinning with plans for a wedding and a new life.

Last weekend, I visited my friends Shannon and Luke. They have been married for almost two months. I had the privilege of being a part of their wedding, and was awed by what I saw that day. Watching two people you care about commit their lives to each other is typically impressive enough, but there was something that made their day - and their vows - even deeper. Shannon's mom had been battling cancer for several months - by the time Shannon and Luke were engaged, they no longer hoped for a cure, but for enough time for her to see their wedding day. She did, and I have not seen a mother-of-the-bride more radiant than Mrs. Bugh was that day. Shannon's dad, the senior pastor of their church, gave a beautiful homily. I wrote the following in my journal the day after the wedding:

To see Luke and Shannon exchange vows last night in light of what her parents have been through lately was powerful... they've seen what "in sickness and in health" looks like, and they await impending joy and almost certain sorrow. Mr. Bugh's words carried much weight: marriage is not about happiness, it's about holiness. What a great journey of faith they are embarking on.

It hasn't been an easy journey so far. Shannon's mom passed away last Friday night.

I also spent time with my grandparents last weekend. Fred and Charlotte Walter have been married for 28 years, the second marriage for both of them after death parted them from their first loves. Now, as grandpa has passed 90 and grandma 80, marriage calls them to faithfully care for one another, to be patient with forgetfulness and a slower pace, to provide companionship and love in these days that could be lonely. I watch them, feeling humbled by their love for one another and comforted by the security of their enduring bond.

Engagement announcements and wedding invitations are flying left and right. Sometimes marriage seems so commonplace that I forget the weight of it. A sparkling diamond catches my eye, I watch him put his arm around her, and it's easy to forget that marriage is not all fun and games and butterflies. News of yet another divorce, whether in Hollywood or closer to home, threatens to make me forget that marriage is intended for the long haul.

Through it all, Mr. Bugh's words ring in my ears, louder than any wedding bells: marriage is about holiness, not happiness. Author Lauren Winner describes marriage as a "school of sanctification."

My own marriage is still a distant point on the horizon. Until I arrive there, I will continue to be burdened for those who already have. To agonize over finding the perfect engagement or wedding card that somehow conveys how important I think marriage is (I have yet to find such a card). To cheer for those who take the risk of saying "YES", and to pray that they will have the strength to keep saying "yes" each and every day. To grieve for those whose feeble yeses are overwhelmed by nos, and to pray that God might bring redemption and reconciliation for them.

These thoughts are incomplete. Since I was a little girl, there's been a constant conversation going on in my mind about marriage - yes, the institution of marriage, I was never just dreaming about what my dress would look like or where we'd go on the honeymoon. So, I have no doubt that this conversation will continue. I enjoy the fact that those of you who occasionally peek in on my thoughts here in blogworld find yourselves at many different places on the relationship/marriage spectrum, and I would welcome your involvement in that ongoing conversation.