I'm reading a book entitled Revelations of a Single Woman by Connally Gilliam. I'm normally quite wary of books on the subject matter of single women - I have found too many that are fluffy and empty, in which the author portrays herself and her readers as ditzy, boy-crazy, and shallow. Though Gilliam lacks the tempered wisdom of Elisabeth Elliot and makes a few too many references to sitting around talking over cups of coffee, her work provides a refreshing, even challenging take on the single life of a Christian woman living in today's culture.
One chapter of the book is devoted to female friendships. This caught me by surprise - given what I knew of the book, and judging by other books I've read or browsed in this genre, I figured every chapter would somehow revolve around the opposite sex. But, reading her chapter on both the joys and challenges of female friendships in general, and friendships among single females in particular, brought me to my own revelation: being single is about more than being unattached. The single life consists of more than the pursuit of eventually not being single. The state of singleness can not be compartmentalized - one does not stop being single when one is alone, with family members, with friends of the same gender, or with non-eligible members of the opposite gender. Singleness touches every aspect of one's life and relationships and influences the needs and expectations of those relationships. That is neither bad nor good; it just is.
Beyond all of that, I have found in Gilliam's words a mirror for my own life. As she writes about guys, girlfriends, family, work and dreams I find myself agreeing with her wholeheartedly, sometimes wondering how snuck in to my mind without me noticing. That makes me wonder how many other women in this position have the same questions and fears floating around in their heads. Questions of when and why, worries about whom and how and what to do with the waiting time remain unarticulated in order to maintain an appearance of calm, cool confidence, or to avoid becoming a pariah - "Surely I'm the only one who doesn't have this figured out. What would they think if they knew?" Even as I write now, I hesitate to delve into the topic (and don't plan to delve much further in this venue); singleness, to me, is inherently linked to vulnerability, and I just can't go there in cyberspace.
Where I can go is to the One who is strongest when I am most vulnerable. He is the one who will meet every need perfectly, fulfill every hope beyond my wildest dreams, and sustain me in this dry and weary land. He is the one with the answer to every question: "Make Me your first priority, and I will take care of the rest." He is the one with the plan and purpose for each and every day of my life, single or otherwise.
I write this with the desire to broaden my view of the season I find myself in right now, with the conviction that I need to do some re-orienting to make sure that He is the center of my universe, and with the hope that God will enable me to be a good steward of this gift of singleness - in all aspects of my life.
* I have no current plans for future book reports - but maybe this will be the start of something.
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2 comments:
I love the way you write :) And what you write. It's inspiring. Maybe I will go check out this book...cheers to single female friendships :) -CJ
It seems to me that - despite the comfort of other alliances - each of us is on a "lonesome journey." EXCEPT for that Presence close by which I've come to understand is the Lord.
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