In this posture let me live

Dear Reader: I wrote the following a couple of weeks ago. The feelings expressed here - especially those of discouragement - are not necessarily the feelings I have today. Since my conclusion remains the same, I post this in spite of evolving emotions, with a promise to write more as I continue to reflect and as God's will continues to unfold through his daily provision.

Anyone who has talked to me in the past month or two knows that our search for YouthWorks housing in New Orleans has consumed much of my time, my thought, my energy, and my travel this spring. Dozens of people – both friends and strangers – have helped in the search. I can say without hesitation that hundreds of people have prayed that God would lead us to the right place.

From the time I realized the challenge it would be to find suitable (not to mention affordable) housing in a city that is drawing its livelihood from hosting volunteer groups, I found myself confidently telling people, “God knows how this ends! He has something in mind for us.” These words became my theme, but there were frequent days on which I found my faith lacking. While I spoke these words to the masses, my constant cry to my Father was “Help my unbelief.”

As word of our need spread and more and more people jumped on our prayer bandwagon, my hope was bolstered: not only my hope for the Lord’s provision of housing, but my hope for his glory being revealed to and exalted by many. I envisioned stumbling upon the perfect site, even began composing celebratory e-mails in my head. I wondered how we would ever reach all of the people who had been praying to tell them of how the Lord had answered. My prayer became, “Lord, let your glory be revealed!” With such a large captive audience, why wouldn’t He want to show off by providing for us in abundance?

But now, a decision has to be made. The Lord has indeed provided us with an option, but it is less than what we would have imagined or hoped for. I find myself disheartened, feeling a sense of resignation in entering a partnership that will no doubt make this summer a challenge. I wonder why the Lord would do things this way. He has provided, yes, and for that I praise him; but why, in this instance, would he not employ his infinite power and gracious generosity to give us more?

Perhaps he is calling all of us to a deeper faith. Perhaps he is inviting us to praise him even when we are left wanting. Perhaps he is delaying the display of his power and glory; perhaps it will be revealed even in the midst of challenges this summer. Perhaps we must glorify Him now for who he IS, not for what he does or what he gives.

Jesus cast a look on me
Give me sweet simplicity
Make me poor and keep me low
Seeking only thee to know

All that feeds my busy pride
Cast it evermore aside
Bid my will to Thine submit
Lay me humbly at thy feet

Make me like a little child
Of my strength and wisdom spoiled
Seeking only in Thy light
Walking only in Thy might

Leaning on Thy loving breast
Where a weary soul can rest
Feeling well the peace of God
Flowing from His precious blood

In this posture let me live
And hosannas daily give
In this temper let me die
And hosannas ever cry

- John Berridge (1716-1793)